I don’t know

Empty!

Lost in the past!

Drained!

Worried?

Amazed!

Serious!

Different!

Disinterested!

Bored!

Zoned out!

Why?

I don’t know

 

A crazy break

To Toto!

5th Semester at MIC concluded on November 23… 2 days later I was interning at The Hindu in Trivandrum, and working my ass off the whole month, right up till Christmas Day. On the sports desk, reporting everything except football (and i mean everything – from cricket to powerlifting, handball – volleyball), and doing feature stories for Metro Plus. Stories that ranged from the ‘thattu kada’s’ (food on carts) at shangumugham beach to profile stories of Ashvin (co-founder of Blippy, awesome site) and Rohan Prem (state Ranji captain). Just when things stopped getting hectic and I started thinking about last sem at Manipal, along came Dir. Pradeep (a close friend and currently Prog. Producer at Victers’ channel) and changed my entire return-to-Manipal-early plans! And that is how I ended up at Kozhikode (where I am currently) doing, well almost everything at the State Kalothsavam being telecast Live by the channel.

In between there was a fateful and extremely ‘awesome’ trip to Ernakulam (the trip was actually supposed to be to Thrissur but how glad am i to have ended up in Ekm), and a special thanks to my awesomest friend, Swathi, thanks to whom I had, as the saying goes, a roof over my head! As unexpeceted as the trip was, whatever happened after was even more flabbergasting (dunno if tats even a word – doesn’t matter, it captures the emotion rightly i feel)! Then a few days later I was on the early morning Janashathabdhi (good things seem to happen on that train) to Kozhikode and the state kalothsavam… I anchored (and that too live) for the first time (quite memorable – a really hot Italian chick! ) and was I guess a Prog. Production Ass. for the whole week long event. If a paycheck and a work exp letter from this Govt.  run channel follows me to Manipal, I would be over the moon – would definitely be the icing on the cake!

Went and met my friends at NIT, Calicut as well on my second day in Kzd. Damn fun! God… What a wacky night!

Oh nearly forgot, the whole time in Trivandrum was even more memorable thanks to Veda! Missing her damn bad!

And now off to Manipal in a bit… 3 am train… wonder how I’l catch that! The way the whole break has gone Im sure I’l find a rather unexpected way to do that as well!

 

Away from it all!

Detached!… Watching it all… With no plans on joining in… Unnoticed… Untroubled…

Yet,

Still in someway in it all… Working for it all… Planning and executing… In the open, in the background… Troubled…

Why?

Laziness? Crazyness? Bored? Lack of drive? Had enough? Inability? Insecurity? Jealousy? Sabotage?

Or…

A mixture of it all?…

***

Maybe the best thing is to stay Away from it all… Can I???… Now that’s another question!

- BiBinhio

 

Memories…

Memories are a bitch!… They never let u forget anything coz that is what they are designed to do… Remind u of stuff!!!… They’re fun when they remind u of things u want to be reminded of but that does not happen all the time unfortunately… Well one can’t ask for everything in life I guess…

Memories do get hazy and blurred with time… U do start to forget faces, incidents and details after a while… But when a similar ‘deja-vu’ style incident occurs or when u revisit a certain place or so on, the memories (at least the not so desirable ones) rush back in full force, colour and detail! Why? Why does it have to be so?

Can’t we all just do things without it forever coming back to us at the most inopportune times?… Can’t we just do things without a reason, without an ego, without any strings attached?… Why does it always have to be about, “Remember that day we did this” or “Remember you fool that this is the shit u’ve done once already in ur life”… Why can’t there always be a fresh start, a new leaf, a fresh new lease of life?… You know, life is not a bed of roses… Why?… Because of ‘em damn memories!!!…

- BiBinhio

 

Trust!

Trust… The world revolves around it!…

Sitting outside waiting for food, I happened to look up only to realise that I was sitting under electric lines, which looked like they had been laid ages back and were ready to snap any moment. If that whatever unlikely scenario were to happen, what would people call it? Fate? I would rather say coincidence and bad-luck, but then I realised more than anything it would be a case of a ‘breach of trust’. The many hundreds who sit under those same electric lines everyday and I, were all only conforming with the basic concept of trust, that governs the way we live our lives. Trust, in the efficiency of whoever laid those lines, just as much as we trust our mom not to poison our milk or trust a friend not to crash his bike when you’re behind him and so on…

Everyday in every action we take or do not take, trust is the underlying reason. We trust the other driver’s on the road. We trust a friend with a secret. We trust an author to deliver quality. We trust a movie to be entertaining. We trust a teacher to learn from. Similarly, we do not eat from a particular place because we don’t trust the food. We do not buy a certain fashion label if we don’t trust the quality. We do not use a certain mobile connection because we don’t trust the provider. We do not get drunk in front of a few people because we do not trust them around us in that scenario. We do not write certain things in our diary because we do not trust our parents/friends to not read it!…

Understanding the basics of ‘trust’, then becomes very important especially in group dynamics. When there is a certain group of individuals working towards the same goal or working for a similar cause, trusting each other with work and responsibility becomes all the more important. Since it is difficult to find even a group of 10 friends who trust each other completely in equal measure, any group work is only ever possible when all 10 equally trust at least one or two leaders to take overall responsibily for the cause. If this crucial concept of trust in a leader or trust among each other is not present, then work (the kind that requires thought and application) supposed to be complete 3 weeks back, will not be completed even today!… If this crucial concept of trust is not present, then groups like the ‘Gossip Squad’ and places like the girls’ hostels will have a field day!… If this crucial concept of trust is not present, then people who actually can and do some work will be caught up in long drawn out meetings of no consequence or point, other than to mentally demoralise, physically tire and emotionally drain!…

Does it become more difficult to trust someone (even someone close to you), when a ‘position of responsibility’ is at stake? Of course it does! Why? ‘Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely!’ The closer to the ‘top’ one gets, the more we feel there’s something more we deserve! The closer to the ‘top’ one gets, the more insecure we become! The closer to the ‘top’ one gets, the more the reasons to pass the buck and the blame! The closer to the ‘top’ one gets, the more the reason to put your person above all else! The closer to the ‘top’ one gets, the easier to convince yourself of ‘truth’ in what you do, the more the incentive to save your own ass!…

Lack of trust can violate your mind! Lack of trust can rape your conscience! Lack of trust can destroy your purpose in life! Lack of trust can make ME doubt myself! Lack of trust can ruin relationships! Lack of trust can obliterate happiness! Lack of trust can get you addicted!…

In God I do not trust!

In Government I do not trust!

In Corporates I do not trust!

In Media I do not trust!

In Freedom I do not trust!

In Expression I do not trust!

In Profitable Work I do not trust!

In Humans I am losing trust!

Thankfully, in Me, I still trust!… Therefore, I am!

- BiBinhio.

 

The Year So Far…

Almost towards the end of this (really) odd semester at MIC, this post might be coming in at an ideal time or at a really late juncture, depending on how you want to ‘perceive’ it!!!… Well, that one line must tell all you ex-MIC ians’s that the MIC faculty is still at it, driving home seemingly baseless and unnecessary concepts to seemingly poor and defenceless students, who come to class with gullible minds just to be brainwashed into knowing nothing from the little something they do before entering this resort! Hah… that stupid rambling 3 months into this sem does a lot to cheer me up… at least enough to actually write about ‘the year so far’!!!…

Dress Code, The Bell and Regulations:

College in 2009-10 kicked off with a deafening shriek and a circular. The former bellowing out from the stupid bell hung right next to where the tree goes up through the roof along our passageway and the latter detailing the dress regulations that needed to be followed by all students of the college. Other than being a nuisance, the bell has no practical use in MIC as none of the faculty ever seem to follow it. The dress code however, is starting to be a bit more problematic because with the Indian Army seizing control over the hallowed halls of MIC, its students are being oppressed by rules set down at the whims and fancies of the regime. Mirroring the political scene at the Centre, committee’s are being setup day in and day out and faculty are being shifted around like pigs, all the while with the only result that nobody seems to know what he/she is supposed to be doing and what all powers he/she has or has not! Now for organising a simple post 5 o’clock event, one needs to write 3 letters, fill 5 forms, meet 10 people and still be in the dark till 4 45 as to whether the event can happen or not!

Student Council?

Heh… wasn’t there supposed to be something called the student council that would communicate what the students needed to the faculty and vice-versa, ensure smooth functioning and order among clubs and committees and be the voice of the students of MIC? Well if its still there then I’m sorry but its more inefficient than the Indian, Pakistani, Nepali and Bangladeshi govts put together!… Convocation is happening on November 1st and not even ideation for that event has yet started!… Enough said!…

Guest Lectures:

That’s one good thing that has been happening rather regularly at college this year… Can’t remember too many names now but really cool people have come down for a change!… But no1 who stirred a really hot controversy… Maybe all of them were too ‘cool’!!!…

SJ’s:

With Elvin leaving PJ’s seem to have died in college!… But they have been duly backed up by SJ’s – Sad Jokes… Pioneered by none other than yours truly and Smileysil!… The last line of the previous para was an example of an SJ!!!…

And Finally Ze Clubs!…

Amidst all the ruckus being thrown about by the new regime, the clubs have been fighting to cling on to whatever former glory they could! A very apparent curbing of the freedom of clubs has been taking place throughout the sem and things have escalated over the last two weeks especially with the cancellation (until further notice) of YELL Week, due to many reasons but primarily because of the lack of backing from the management. From dismissing with disdain requests to grant basic resources like classrooms for practice and audio and video equipment for events to issuing blanket bans on using the lobby to host events – every dirty trick in the dirtiest of books have been tried!… A similar approach has been taken towards Article 19!… After 3 years in MIC I am not ignorant enough to write about A-19 along with clubs but the only reason I’m mentioning it here is because the official college stand 2wards our college fest has been that it is uninstitutional and that it should be made into a club!… Similar proposals were made and are still being debated about turning the cultural committee into another club as well!…

Make what you will out of all this!

For me personally… College ends in one more semester!

Long live MIC!!!…

- BiBinhio.

The opinions mentioned in this article are strictly those of the writer and not of the site. The writer takes responsibility for any issues that might arise as a result of this post!

 

Snippets from Down Under!

Its been exactly 3 months since I landed in Brisbane for this all too short one semester exchange program to the University of Queensland. Lifes been certainly a whole lot different here… By now I’ve become used to a lot of previously ‘alien’ things… Even become accustomed to the cool and at times chilly climate… I’ve certainly learned a lot academically and – in a very different context to the normal narrow-minded usage of the word – spiritually… What once was the yearning to go back asap has slowly and desperately turned into the unwillingness to leave… Its not because Australia is a great country, at least not greater than my very own India… Its not because Australian’s are mostly – excluding those radical elements present in any civilization – extremely friendly and easy going… Its not even because of the relative ‘cheapness’ of good quality booze… It is definitely because for once in my life I feel as though my life is going somewhere… Somewhere good… Just because surprisingly here I work!… Work hard!… For academics!… There I said it… I STUDY!!!… That one thing that is taboo for a respectable high school or college going youth in India to do!…

There’s a lot to say about the last 3 months in Brisbane… Here’s just a few random snippets straight off the top of my head…

DRUNKEN Performance!

Ram, Ramyaa (a friend we met here at UQ) and I were wandering around the City this last Friday night… Reached the Cultural Centre… Sat on a bench by the riverside… Chatting… A random Aussie couple stop in front of us… DRUNK… “Do you happen to have a couple of ciggies mate?”… None of us smoke… “Oh sorry to disturb you mates… Having a good night?… Off to the Valley?… Party hard!…”… Sure mate… “What’s your name”… Ramyaa… “I’m -forgot name-”… Handshake… “Anyway since we disturbed you I’ll entertain you… Wanna see me do a one handed hand stand?… Watch its awesome!…”… Proceeds to jump onto his hand in an attempt to do it… Reminder: DRUNK… Attempt 1… Fails… “Oh w8 a second mate”… Attempt 2… Fails… “I’l get it this time”… Attempt 3… Attempt 4… Well you get the idea… Change of tactic… “I’l do 1 hand push-ups for you”… 1 push up… Grinds out a second… Half completes a third… “Woooohooooo…”… No prizes for guessing – the girl!… “Oh… how was that mate… Had fun???… We’ll cya around ya… Take care… Grab a couple of beers mate!… Cya”… Hi5’s… Walk off!… “Ah lets go from here”… Ramyaa JI!… Ram and I follow rather reluctantly!…

Temple of FOOD!

The next day… Ramyaa JI now nick-named ‘MOMMY’ by me because of her very ‘motherly’ and ‘apt’ behaviour meets us at Indooropilly to take us to a ISKCON temple in Graceville… We go… Free Indian Food!… Of course we’ll go!… Chat chat all the way… Temple… More a house!… A BIG house… India means overpopulation… Even in Brisbane we stick to our roots!… I couldn’t even get into the large room where the idol was… Not that I cared much anyway… Still… Inside… Singing, dancing… Full on… We call pentacostals mad!… Check your premises son… We wait outside… Patiently… Something’s smelling bad… Socks!… But outside something’s smelling awesome… The food!… An uncle tells two guys around my age something… Points at Ram and me… They come to us and say something… With all the noise and my rumbling stomach I hear only one word… “Khana”… Alright lets go!… Ram walks off with them… I ask Mommy to come along… “I wanna just see the idol once before eating”… “Alright… look a few people are coming out… You’ll be able to go in”… “Oh ok… I’l be back in 1 sec ok?”… Right on!… We go out… We see… This…

Ram will get his ‘punya’… He served food at a temple!… Mommy n I… Feel bad for all the ‘punya’ Ram is getting!… We wait… We hungry… We wait… We hungry… We wait… Wait too much… We eat… Rice, dal, aloo mutter (?), chutney, sweet, pakoraish type thing, ‘traditional’ drink… All yummy!… Seconds… Eat eat eat… Ram joins us after all the ‘punya’… Eats… We have a laugh… We leave… Busstop… Wanna drink!… Ram goes home gets Jack Daniels pre-mixed drinks… Brings it to Mommy’s place… Ram n I drink… Chat… Watch Aussies struggle early on vs Windies… Go out… Hot Chocolate from Wild Beans… Deserted Busstop…11 PM… Chat… 12 30… Leave for home… Chris Gayle thrashes 27 off Brett Lee… Celebrate!… Sleep!…

Everything Goes Wrong followed by HC at 3 AM!

A few hours back… 7 PM Sunday… Bored… Out to Pig n’ Whistle… Alkira Busstop… W8 10 minutes… Long discussion about Noam Chomsky, Manufacturing Consent and Anarcho-Unionism… Bus passes by!… W8 15 more minutes… Pig and Whistle… 1 Jack Daniels… 7 80… 1 Jim Beam… 7 70… Too costly!… Sunday!… Both of us stop at 1 drink!… Think we’ll get drinks from the Beer, Wine, Spirits shop and head home… Midway through decide to get a pizza, go home and watch Good Fellas… Walk back… Indroopilly busstop… W8 4 bus… Ram decides to take a leak… 2 busses come and go… Ram gets back… W8 15 minutes… Bus… Wrong route… Get out at Toowong… Wait for return bus that passes through Taringa… Bus due at 8 50… 5 minute w8… We w8… 8 50 changes to 9… 9 to 9 12… 9 12… disappears… Next bus 9 20… Hop on… Get down at Taringa… Dominoes… Decide on Pizza… W8ing to order… Counter guy… “You’ll all have to wait for 30 minutes. The Oven just broke down”… Great… Hungry Jacks it is… Walk… Its open!… Yeah!… Whooper Burger, Large Fries and Regular Cappuchino… Sumptuous for 8 dollars… Walk back up the hill… 5 minute w8 for bus… Back at Indro busstop… W8 another 10-15 minutes… Ah the lovely 444 Moggil Bus!… Get home… Watch delayed telecast of F1 Turkish GP… Button wins… Federer wins French Open… Online… 2 50 am… Bored… Ramyaa JI online… “Heh watsup”… “Bored”… “Lets grab a coffee?”… Ok… 3 am… Walk… ‘Enter Sandman’… “Sleep with 1 eye open, Grippin your pillow tight!’… Wild Beans Hot Chocolate… Pics session… 5 am… Walk home… ‘Dirty Little Secret’… “I go around the time I choose… Just to waste my time…”… Turn into the driveway… Frog croaks… Loud… Races forward from 120 to 200 – Heart beat!… Get home… Online… Blog… 6 57 am… Awake… Peace.

- Bibinhio